Freshman Column VII

"I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain." unless, of course, I am in New Jersey, in which case I am most likely drowning in the rain or begging the rain to leave me be in my own little happy world of dryness. Now, if Gene Kelly thought that rain creates a glorious feeling, he obviously needs to take a trip to the Garden State. I am not quite sure why Mother Nature has it in her head that we need such interruptive rain. Perhaps she is sending a message, "Die, Earth-people, die!" Until I have had a talk with her, though, all I can assume is that someone left the faucet running. Now, there is such a lime buildup on the sink head that there is no nice, even flow but rather angry bursts of wetness that erupt from the clouds. This is why I now refuse to laugh at those people who carry around umbrellas that not only protect from above, but also give 360-degree armored vehicle-like protection. So if I see you in the little cave of your huge plastic shelter, my smile is not meant to spite you. It is only a small reminder that you are happily dry, while I am tormented by the rain that is soaking deep into my skin.
Did anybody else think that once we got to college there would be more mature people? I already spoke about my obsessions with small children's television shows, but there are other things too. It seems that many of the freshmen are obsessed with drawing the male anatomy all over the place. Guys, we know they exist, we know you have one, don't be that insecure. Girls, if you are drawing them, you have made some errors, one of which is that they definitely don't have happy faces on them. But, I guess it's kind of like Mr. Hankey, so knock yourself out. But seriously, will we ever grow up? I can just see us all, sitting in our rocking chairs when we're 80, grabbing the coloring book from our grandkids and drawing a penis in the corner, chuckling to ourselves as we realize we really have lost our minds.
So, the other day, I was driving with my roommate, and I decided to stop for some gas. We were sitting in the car, fueling up, when the driver of the car in front of us decided to leave, although her car was still connected to the gas pump. Being from New Mexico, I have never seen someone drive off without taking the gas nozzle out of their car, but seeing as we can't fill our own tanks here, the theory is plausible.
I thought it quite comical at first. Our attendant was rather slow, so I thought the woman was just giving him a hint. I thought a friendly honk would be nice, but I just assumed she had done this before. Nope. She was going all the way. As she began to drive away, I nudged my roommate in the ribs and pointed as I chuckled. This was funny. I could just see it in my head. She would drive away, the nozzle would gracefully slip out of the tank, and it would be left hanging limply as she drove into the sunset. But this is not Lala Land, and life is not in any way graceful, so I watched the entire thing unfold before me, seemingly in slow motion, as my smile turned to a look of horror. The nozzle liked her car more than it liked its pump station, so it remained firmly connected to her car and instead parted with the pump. Oblivious to the situation, she inched forward, until the attendant ran in front of her car and started screaming.
I looked in awe at the socket where the hose used to lay, and then I turned to my roommate. We both reached for our car door handles, and I told her at the slightest hint of a spark, we should run. My heart was beating about 30 times as fast as it should have been, and I was entirely prepared to say goodbye to my car should I have to run from an explosion.
Fortunately, no harm was done (minus minimal damage to the woman's car) and my roommate and I were on our way. So, I think this is a lesson. Be careful what you do when you are filling up on gas, because you never know what stupid person might be in front of you, attempting to single-handedly blow up a city block. Ha ha.it's kind of funny after the fact, though. No, actually. Not really. I think I peed my pants a little. Good times.